Nerdrage!

And the Four were Changed Forever

The past few days I’ve been dealing with a pinched nerve in my neck, most likely brought on by maladjusted back and shoulder muscles, poor posture, and a metric ton of stress.

This probably doesn’t help, either.

Before I say anything else, I want to explain what this is.  This is Fox’s dream casting.  News like this is taken with a grain of salt AT BEST, so that’s what I’m going to do.

Though the quality of the suit and makeup Chiklis wore increased between of the first and second films, many fans were still disappointed in it’s “obviously fake” appearance; as well as the diminutive physical size the character was reduced to.

Of course it was “obviously fake,” you numbnuts.  He’s a guy covered in rocks.  Chiklis’ outfit was probably about as realistic as you could make it.

If you saw this walking down the street, you would say "that is a dude covered in rocks."

Unlike most fans, I liked his look and size. It was an homage to the Thing as drawn by his creator Jack Kirby.  Ben was never intended to be 8 feet tall and five hundred tons like he is often drawn.  I subscribe to the belief that the bigger The Thing is, the more ridiculous he would look on screen.  Comic books are one thing; live action another.

Other news that came out yesterday was that Fox is looking at three directors.  When it comes to directors, I usually have very little opinion.  I will say that, while he didn’t do a great job, I didn’t think Tim Story did a terrible job either.  He was given a lot of shit to work with , including (but not limited to): subpar writing, Jessica Alba, and a studio that didn’t really have a whole lot of faith in the franchise to begin with.

And, shock of the century, it will be filmed for a 3D release.  Oh Fox, you are so wild and original with your ideas.  I can’t wait to hear about Johnny’s “pale and oft misunderstood vampire love interest.”

This had better be one hell of a good script, you guys.

On an Outer Space Adventure

The latest news in the Fantastic Four reboot has me simultaneously pleased as punch and angry as… angry punch.

LISA IS HAPPYFACE:

1. Putting the origin in the credits.  People who are going to see this probably already saw the original movies and/or read the comics.  They don’t need to see it again.  Origins bog things down.  Removing the origin leaves room for more character development and plot.  The Fantastic Four cartoon that came out a couple years ago did this and did it well.

2. Doom getting to be Doom.  I am all smiles.  And though I’ve never seen True Blood, I know who this actor is and have no fear that he can pull this off.  If I don’t hear a “Damn you, Richards” out of him I will be a sad panda.

3. As the foremost Jonathan Storm/Human Torch expert, I approve of a Kevin Pennington casting choice.  I loved Chris Evans so much and I’m kinda sad that he’s now playing with a shield and punching Hitler.  I’m not head-over-heels overenthusiastic on their Sue front-runner, but since it’s not Jessica Alba, I’ll deal.

LISA IS ANGRYFACE:

1. Man, FUCK Adrian Brody as Reed.  He didn’t get the part last time and I’m not keen for him to have it this time.  Just because he’s A-list doesn’t make him right.

2. CGI Ben.  It bears repeating.

Good God are all my posts going to be about this movie?  The next two years are going to be an awful time for my writing.

It’s Happening All Over Again

As I made my nerdy internet rounds this morning, I came across this little tidbit from Comic Book Resources.

While I’m not in total agreement with the Reed Richardses they have in mind (and yes, I do have my own idea*), at least this time it looks as though they’re trying to cast a blonde with some acting talent as Sue.  But, then again, they did that before and we got Jessica Alba, so I won’t be surprised when it’s one of the Kardashians in a blonde wig.

But here, ladies and germs, is the gut kicker:

It would appear the race is on to cast the three roles as the Thing will be created entirely in the computer this time around.

Head, meet wall. Now repeat.

Dear Anyone Who Cares: The Thing is NOT The Hulk.  You can get away with a big green CG Hulk smashing tanks and throwing missiles and punching the Abomination’s face off.  You CANNOT get away with Ben Grimm as CG.

Why?  Because the Hulk has an entirely separate human side.  The Thing is Ben’s human side and his monstrous side.  That’s what makes him such a tragic and lovable figure.  It’s not as though Ben gets angry and becomes a brick wall.  You need someone underneath that rocky hide to portray the man that he is.  If there was one thing the 2005 and 2007 versions got RIGHT, it was casting a real actor in makeup as the Thing.

Augh, whether I like it or not, here I go again into the maddening world of my favorite comic book going to the big screen.

*Glenn Howerton, aka Dennis from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Seriously.  Looks aside, he could put a charming and interesting spin on a character that can be notoriously dull.  And if they decide to take the “Reed’s kind of a dick” route, well, we all know he could do that with ease.

(I know it can’t or won’t happen.  But FUCK I wish it would happen.)

Lisa’s List #1: Fictional Characters

Who doesn’t love alliterations?

In an effort to get myself to use this webspace for writing every week, I’ve decided to do a weekly “Lisa’s Lists.”  It’s pretty much exactly how it sounds.  Each week I will create a list of my  favorite/least favorite things and describe why they are my favorite/least favorite.  It’s very much like that LivingSocial “Top Five” thing that everyone and their grandmother was into on Facebook a year ago, except I’ll actually have room to explain why I made my choices.  I also hope that my lists will get people thinking and maybe, just maybe, they’ll post their own.

The first Lisa’s List is simply this:  Who are your top five favorite fictional characters?

“Holy crap,” says the internet.  “Media specific?”  No.  “So wait… any fictional characters?”  Any. Fictional. Character.  As in NOT REAL.  Made up.  Never existed in our world.

Because of the scope of the question, I decided to choose a character from each type of media I enjoy: Movies, Television, Comic Books, Video Games, and Books.

OKAY HERE GOES

Han Solo, Star Wars

Seen here shooting first.

This was all too easy.

Anybody who knows me knows I have had a lifelong adoration of this smarmy Corellian smuggler turned Rebel Alliance Captain.  It’s his unabashed cockiness,  his “I care only about me but I secretly care about those around me” attitude, his ability to wield sarcasm as well as his blaster, and that goddamn adorable crooked smile.  It’s all those things and so much more.

“I love you.”

“I know.”

<3

Captain H. M. “Howlin’ Mad” Murdock, The A-Team

"I'm allergic to microwaves. They release space hamsters into my bloodstream."

Paranoid delusions.  Fixations bordering on obsessions.  One week he is Pasadena Murdock, an Indiana Jones style adventurer, and another week he adopts the persona of the taxi driving superhero Captain Cab.  There’s also his dog, Billy… who is invisible.

They let this man fly airplanes.

And therein lies the beauty of Murdock.  He is certifiably insane, almost to the point of annoyance to those around him, but the A-Team (with the exception of B.A.) trust him with their lives. As crazy as he is, he could help Face with a scam or come up with a plan almost as brilliant as Hannibal’s to free his teammates from trouble.

He was the unpredictability on a show that eventually suffocated on its own predictability.  While the other three remained more or less the same each week, you could count on Murdock to never be, and that’s why I love him.

I also apparently have a thing for tall, goofy, light brown-haired guys who wear baseball caps atop their thinning hair.  Now if only I could get Matt to wear Converse and get his pilot’s license.

The Human Torch, Fantastic Four

Also known as: Mr. Fahrenheit.

Johnny Storm is another example of my tragically obvious soft spot for teenagers who can set themselves on fire.

wait no i messed that up

Choosing my favorite member of the Fantastic Four is really painful for me.  I could have easily made a list of my five favorite fictional characters the Four and Dr. Doom and called it a job well done.

I chose Johnny because he was the reason I became so interested in the team in the first place. When I first started reading comics at 16 years old, I was a big fan of Iceman from the X-Men. He was always having fun and never really letting being an outcast of society get the better of him. Too many mutants were mopey and whiny for my blood.

I was introduced to the Fantastic Four by a high school friend who thought I’d enjoy it. Boy, was he right. Where X-Men trends towards heavy and gritty and sometimes dark, the Fantastic Four (for the most part) are fun. Their relationships with one another are fun.  Their adventures together are fun.  I like fun.

I love the Human Torch for the same reasons I enjoyed Iceman.  Johnny isn’t exactly a societal outcast by any means. His love for life and self-assuredness, combined with his fierce loyalty to his family, make him… fun.

I like fun.

Naked Snake/Big Boss, Metal Gear Solid

Like a Boss.

I could write an essay on why I love this character.  I almost did.

Up until Metal Gear Solid 3, Big Boss was pretty much your average video game villain.  In Metal Gear you, Solid Snake, think he’s a good guy BUT OH WAIT NO HE’S ACTUALLY THE BAD GUY.  You kill him, world saved, game over.  NO WAIT HE DIDN’T REALLY DIE he’s the bad guy in the sequel!  Okay time to kill him again.  He dies, world’s saved AGAIN, game over.  This time he actually stays dead… OR DOES HE?

Along comes Metal Gear Solid 3, the prequel sequel.  It is 1964 and you are John, Codename: Naked Snake; a covert agent for the CIA and a former Green Beret.  Much like his son Solid, Naked Snake is a good man and even better soldier.  He was deeply patriotic and would do anything for his country.  The mission his country sends him on through the Russian wilderness takes this good man and subjects him to physical and psychological torture, culminating in the single most heartbreaking ending in video game history.

So… yeah.  It’s really not a surprise why he turns on his country the way he does.  If you cost me my eye and force me to kill the only person I’ve ever loved, all for the sake of stealing some dude’s money, I would hate the shit out of you too.  So much.

Aragorn, The Lord of the Rings

He looks almost as incredulous as I do when people tell me they like Legolas more than him.

Seriously.  Fuck Legolas.

If you don’t love Aragorn, you don’t love awesome things.  It’s a scientifically proven statement.

Oh hi internet.

My name is Lisa.  This is my blog.

I intend to use this space to keep up my writing skills.  Time will tell if I actually keep that promise.  I’ve tried and tried to keep up a blog and it never really gets anywhere.

While I work on my actual first post, here is a picture of a kitten dressed as Link.